LEXOPHILE HUMOR
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Circumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I’ll show you a flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blown apart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
A calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
Last 5 posts by
- GM Bailout - the Truth and the Bunk
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- Trillions of gallons of frozen wate... .hypocrisy.com/2008/11/21/gm-bailout-the-truth-and-the-bunk/">GM Bailout - the Truth and the Bunk - November 21st, 2008
- GM Bailout - the Truth and the Bunk
- Russian Navy Buildup Resumes
- Trillions of gallons of frozen wate... .hypocrisy.com/2008/11/21/russian-navy-buildup-resumes/">Russian Navy Buildup Resumes - November 21st, 2008
- GM Bailout - the Truth and the Bunk
- Russian Navy Buildup Resumes
- Trillions of gallons of frozen wate... .hypocrisy.com/2008/11/21/trillions-of-gallons-of-frozen-water-found-on-mars/">Trillions of gallons of frozen water found on Mars. - November 21st, 2008
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Comment by Mark Simmons on 3 September 2008:
A few originals to add if you like.
The couple’s foresight enabled the police to capture the thieves.
They embraced and the vampire said, “Fang you.”
Not only did the pearl divers come up empty, but they barely escaped an earthquake. These were pearl-less times.
My daughter Erin claimed she had gone on many balloon rides, despite my knowing otherwise. She said, “Dad there’s always air in the balloon.”
Three lefts equal a right, yet no number of wrongs equals a right.
Comment by Patrick on 28 September 2008:
One more:
“Doc! What’s wrong with me, one night I dream I’m a wigwam, the next night I dream I’m a yurt!” Phyciatrist says “You are two tents.”
Comment by Richard on 29 September 2008:
Patrick - funny
Comment by Patrick on 30 September 2008:
OK, now you got me going:
Guy comes back, says “Doc now I dream I’m 3/5ths take away 1/5th! I don’t get it!” Phyciatrist says “You are still two tenths.”