Strange Haze Deemed Cause of PPS in Capitol

The Underground Association (UASS), a quiet think tank devoted to studying the cause of PPS which afflicts most of our nations governmental incumbents according to recent polls giving congress a record low 9% approval rating, barely more than a quarter of President Bush’s own personal best low, sans warm fuzzies, has developed a new theory and as luck would have it there might be a solution or two, all very expensive.

These pictures taken from on high seem to establish an 88% correlation between the observations of the dubbed “Hazy Phenom” (TM) and the PPS, some think stands for Partisan Political Stupidities, but that has not yet been confirmed by the AIL, the Agency for Intelligent Life, an underfunded department of NASA which collaborates with UASS.

Merck is said to be negotiating with overseas investors to fund the years of testing the bullet shaped pill vaccine they have developed will require. Please, please do not trade Merck stock based on this Insider Information not yet publicly available.

If ultimately approved, it will be given to all political parties at a taxpayer cost of $100,000 per dose, most of which will go to the overseas investors because no Democrat wants domestic Merck to be the next Exxon. Only one dose is thought to be necessary for the first year, thereafter the taxpayer will get a break with the biannual booster doses ($70,000 each) which are required, unless a special needs double dose is required in the case of Larry Craig, Ted Stevens and John Edwards to name only a few.

Each dose is to be taken rectally immediately by anyone who declares their candidacy for public office. Losers in any campaign will be eligible for half the normal lucrative congressional retirement package after a 2 month waiting period. Fortunately, for the FDA required study, it will be necessary to enlist only a few actual live incumbent political volunteers, who will immediately then be eligible for 4 times their lucrative governmental retirement package, plus their normal salary and perks.

Taxpayers are receiving a huge Congressionally Mandated Expenditure Reduction Benefit due to the adroitly formulated study in this 2008 Enactment, because most of the tests will be run on about a 1000 randomly selected amongst the newly discovered 125,000 previously unknown lowland gorillas in Africa, the closest known genetic match up to the subjects under consideration. Each of these gorillas and their descendants into the next four generations will only receive half the benefit of the human participants.

If this does not work, some think the UN will have to be brought in to help our government eventually manage a merger with higher intelligent life SETI hopes to find SOON, but if that does not happen, then perpaps, Robert Mugabe could be recruited to pull us out of our downward spiral which many believe is due directly to the PPS epidemic. Others think T. Boone Pickens should be hired to build a giant fan to blow them away, or at least the Hazy Phenom and solve our energy problems at the same time.