WE NEED A POLITICAL TIME OUT

We all know politics is a dirty business but lately these jokers have been out-filthing themselves. And I don’t just mean the Big Three, vying for the opportunity to disappoint us for the next four to eight years, I mean the whole diseased lot of them.

I can’t satirize these guys anymore. Elliot Spoojer pays four grand so he can be a “tough client” who is none too fond of Trojans. Larry Craig says, “The Mayflower! Why didn’t I think of that?” as he leaves another airport stall, brushing the dust off his knees. Dickless Morris puffs out his flabby chest and tells Fox news he never paid half as much scratch for his action, then puts a hatin’ on Hillary because that’s how the slob makes his grubby living.

Here I spent all winter trying to avoid this nasty flu that was going around, using hand sanitizer like it came from Lourdes and popping Airbornes at the drop of a snot and I wind up getting the dry heaves straight through my TV screen. You can get a flu shot, but there is no vaccine for politicians. Give them enough time and they will make you sick.

They’ve had enough time, I am sick, I need a time out.

Soon enough they’ll be at it again, pounding the streets of Pennsylvania and grinning at the cameras, saying “Buy Me! Buy Me!” And we will buy one of them.

But dontchya know, it probably won’t matter. Because whomever we buy will already be bought.

I hate to be all cynical like this. Maybe a break for a month will help. Maybe I’ll watch the NCAA basketball tournament and a half dozen baseball games and feel a lot better. Perhaps a time out from hearing about Obama’s preacher and Hillary’s feminist attack dogs and McCain’s berserk temper and various lesser politicians genitalia will give me, and you, a chance to heal.

I sure hope so.

There is much more I could say, but I gotta go now. I hear the doorbell. It’s either my pizza, or that four figure hooker I ordered up on Craigslist. Sue me, I decided to splurge.

I mean, this is the hypocrisy site, right?